Complications. As surgeons, we encounter them all the time, and when we do, we do everything we can to save the patient. We do what we want, we do what the textbooks say and we get the best outcome we can.

In life it's not so simple. We can't always do what we want because our brain tells us otherwise. There are no textbooks that we can refer back to. It's all about choices; the choices our brain makes and the choices our heart makes. We can choose to follow either one, and sometimes it isn't, or doesn't seem to be, the best decision.

Mark and I are over, and I can't seem to convince myself that this truly is for the best. I keep telling myself that, but it doesn't feel that way. The things he said keep playing in my head and it's even harder to believe that I made the right decision.

You're the only girl I ever loved and I never could tell you that...And I remember telling myself that if I EVER had the chance to be with you, to hold you, to make love to you; to tell you that I loved you that I wouldn't screw it up. That I'd hold onto you and treasure you and never let you go because you were the only girl I ever loved.

Before today, I would have caved; I would have taken him back. But I know now that I'm incapable of being happy with someone else. Fate has decided that I can't, and I can't. There's no use in fighting it because why fight for something when you know it's just going to fall apart, and there's the possibility that you can't pick up the pieces. Logic tells me that this is what's best for the both of us, but I can't fully believe that.

It's his smell, the sound of his voice, the feeling of his arms around me, and the words he uttered. I couldn't forget, and I didn't want to. But I can't let him go completely if I don't.

I want to be with you Addison. I want to marry you and I want to have a baby with you. And even though WE aren't pregnant I don't care. I still want to be with you because I LOVE YOU and thats never going to change.

I don't doubt what he said, but I don't doubt that I'm ill-fated either. Just one look at my marriage and my history with men will tell you that.

Why do these things have to be so hard? Why couldn't there be some kind of book of answers? Why do I keep making these stupid decisions that I invariably regret?